Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Couch. On fire.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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