Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
