Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
