you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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