Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
