is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize
