dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
