Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
