i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Randomize
