just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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