U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
