I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
