We need to rekindle our bromance
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
