I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
