So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
accomplished twins. life is a go
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
