Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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