remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
