I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
