it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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