The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
