Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
foreskin is a definite game changer
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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