I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
