me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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