Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
