She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
