Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
