i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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