So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
