so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
