I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
