He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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