And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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