Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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