..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
