you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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