i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
