Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
