oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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