you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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