If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
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