Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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