I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
