Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
