He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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