i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
