somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize
