Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
