There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
