It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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