O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
