after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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