i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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