Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
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