I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
