Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
