we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
then he tried to convert me to islam
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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